I just have to say that we all have backstories to our diagnoses. Some are shorter, like mine, and others consist of years of suffering and turmoil. However, the backstory journey is vital in understanding the plight that someone goes through, especially cancer or any life threatening disease.
December 2020: Baby Joy and Stomach Pains
After having our daughter on December 20, 2020 everything changed. This little bundle of joy brought such beauty and value to our lives and, of course, only deepened our love of coffee ;-). During this time of postpartum recovery, I wasn’t too concerned about my health. I was in total mommy-mode. Overall, delivery was difficult–whose isn’t? But I did lose some blood during delivery and as a result, my OBGYN suggested I take a gentle iron supplement. My hemoglobin after giving birth was about 8.3. In the weeks and months ahead, my hemoglobin rose and by April it was in a more normal range.
April 2021: First Doctor’s Appointment
A few months after having my daughter I developed stomach pain with many of the meals I was eating. I thought maybe it was my diet. I tried to make adjustments but to no avail. Eventually, in April 2021 I scheduled an appointment with a general practitioner. She ran as many tests as she could to see what was going on with my stomach, but lo and behold, those tests all came back negative. However, I did receive routine blood work. In that blood work, my platelets were a little lower than average.
Truthfully, at this point my abdominal pain was so frustrating I couldn’t wait any longer and I scheduled an appointment with a gastroenterologist in June.
June and July 2021: Changes
June was a month of change for me. Though I wasn’t ready to stop nursing our baby, for various reasons I had to. So June began the rollercoaster of hormonal changes and imbalance. But I pushed through and began working out again, not realizing that my over exhaustion was from something else entirely. At my first appointment with my GI doctor, he ran some tests, asked me a bunch of questions, and ensured my spleen didn’t appear swollen. He also requested that I get some blood work for his record. In the meantime he prescribed me a proton pump inhibitor to see if that helped with GERD pain.
In July I had a follow up where he reviewed a few more tests, the blood work, and we discussed a plan of action. In this blood work, my hemoglobin dropped to 8. At this point, I was feeling pretty low emotionally and physically. He also felt the best course of action was for me to get an endoscopy. So that is what I did near the end of July. Essentially, I had a really bad case of gastritis and esophagitis. This was mostly brought on by the high dose ibuprofen I was taking without food. Always take your ibuprofen with food! Lesson learned. He prescribed me different medication and I had to significantly cut many food groups from my diet for several weeks. He also strongly recommended I see a specialist regarding my blood work. So that was next on my list to schedule in August.
August 2021: The Calm Before the Storm
We visited family at the beginning of August, trying our best to soak up some summer memories. You’re kind of limited with a baby and a pandemic and anemia. Interestingly enough, the weekend before the biopsy we decided to go on a much needed hike. It was truly so tiring for me (though it was considered an easier hike) and honestly, we had to stop about every 15 minutes for me to catch my breath. I was anemic but this hike felt symbolic for me and I needed to do it.
The hematology appointment was scheduled near the end of August. At this appointment, Dr. P reviewed everything. She contacted my GI and OBGYN doctors. She conducted a few assessments herself but ultimately, the blood work showing low platelets and hemoglobin was her main indication. It was the morning of August 23rd when Dr. P called me to come in for a bone marrow biopsy. I had no idea what to expect. I decided not to google anything but called my mom. Thankfully, she was available to join me that day.
The Bone Marrow Biopsy…
We arrived at the appointment early. I was definitely anxious but suppressing my emotions. The idea of cancer didn’t occur to me or at least I didn’t want it to. I was 29. Just had a baby.
They called us into the room and she explained the procedure. She had me lay on my left side. At this point she used lidocaine to first numb the layers of skin. The lidocaine does provide some numbing into the bone. However, it didn’t feel that way during this biopsy.
She inserted the first needle to extract bone marrow. It truly felt like a drill was grinding through my bone. I heard and felt the vibration of the tapping. All I could say was the word “okay” over and over again. Squeezing my mother’s hand, I know it was a brutal sight for her to see as well. That took a few minutes. Now it was time to retrieve the bone fragments. This is known as the bone marrow aspiration. A larger hollow needle was inserted and once again, that horrible sensation began. And all I could say was the word “okay” over and over again. The samples were a little smaller than my pinky nail.
In the minutes ahead I felt so exhausted and relieved at the same time. After she cleaned up the area and placed a band-aid, I gently turned over on my back so that the towel could apply pressure to the site. As I rose in the chair slightly, a true panic attack officially ensued.
Feeling faint and my heart pounding, the reality of everything hit me hard in that chair. Not to mention, I just experienced a huge adrenaline rush. I spent about 30 minutes in that room crying and truly freaking out. The nurses were so kind, helping me breathe, offering apple juice, and providing me strategies to calm down. With their support, I stepped off the bed–but my knees were instantly weak. Even with their help and my mother being there, I left that room in a much needed wheelchair. Everything–and I mean literally everything–from the past 8 months hit me in that room; having a baby, going through the pandemic, having all the health issues, going back to work in April, weaning from breastfeeding, the anemia, and this procedure. So in those moments that wheelchair carried it all. The backstory is so important. It allows us to truly understand the angle at which a person is about to walk through a cancer journey, and of course the plight they endured leading up to it. So honor your journey–all of it.
Honor your moments, all of it.